What If You Have An Unsupportive Spouse?

Yesterday was my wife’s birthday and I thought it would be a great day to discuss this very important part of success. Throughout my years of network marketing, Diane has been a stay-at-home mom for our three girls Lauren, Amy, and Meagan. She was not actively building our network marketing business with me, but I am so thankful that Diane has always been supportive of me in all of my entrepreneurial adventures, which haven’t always been successful!  She believed in me and I knew it. Without a doubt, it has made a tremendous difference in my success in business and also in our marriage. We celebrated our 26th year of marriage this year and I have learned over those 26 years of marriage the importance of proper communication. In our earlier years of marriage, I would do things without discussing them with Diane and that usually did not end well for me! So I learned, in many cases the hard way, to discuss my business ideas and dealings with Diane, bounce things off of her, and seek her counsel and advice. Over the years, she has been a wealth of perspective and knowledge for me and has helped me navigate through the minefield of business.  But most importantly, she has been a rock of  support for me. She always lets me know how much she believes in me and how much she appreciates me taking care of our family. Her belief in me and support of me has given me wings. I believe it allowed me to soar to higher levels than I ever would have without it.

Unfortunately, I have seen many situations where this is not the case. Over the years, I’ve seen many people trying to build businesses without the support of their spouse, specially in the ventures of network marketing and online marketing. It can be the ultimate challenge and, in many cases, destine the entrepreneurial spouse to give up on their dreams and settle for a life of mediocrity. It takes the wind completely out of their sails and can ultimately cause depression, marital problems, and financial troubles.

I realize that there are also spouses who have abused the relationship and the trust by frequently getting involved in things that they should not be involved with (possibly without properly communicating with their spouse) and end up losing significant amounts of money, relationships, and credibility. This effects both spouses!  So there are two sides to this issue of spousal support and I think it’s critical to look at both sides. This is why communication is so important.

So how do you deal with an unsupportive spouse?

Here’s some things I recommend:

1. If you are wanting to get started in a new network marketing or online marketing venture, be transparent with your spouse. Provide ALL of the information that you can so they too can make an educated decision. Involve them in the decision making process and avoid the temptation to take the hardline by saying, “I’ll just do it without you.” If the spouse is not 100% supportive, ask for a chance to prove yourself. (When I started my network marketing business, I asked Diane to give me 6 months to prove to her that I could make it work). Asking usually gets you a lot farther than telling.
2. If the husband is the one starting the business, I recommend you take your first check from your new venture and give it your wife! Tell her this is from your new business and you want her to go buy herself a new dress. When you get your second check, give it to your wife and tell her this is from your new business and you want her to go buy some new shoes! You will be well on your way to having your wife’s full support. (Of course I’m being funny here, but it certainly won’t hurt!) Keep in mind, if the wife is at home dealing with kids while you are out “building your business”, both of you are working. Both of you are an integral part in the success of the business. Or maybe you are both working full-time jobs and you are building your business on the side. This can be viewed as taking you away from the family even more. Again, this is why transparent communication is mandatory. Discuss with your family WHY you are wanting to build the business and what it is going to ultimately mean for all of you.
3. Wives can also be the ones being the entrepreneur. This too can be a difficult situation, specially if there are kids involved and if the wife is going to meetings at night to build her network marketing business or staying up late at night to build an online business. Again, communication is key here.

Whether it’s the husband or the wife building the business, it’s important to understand there’s sacrifice involved for both parties and that has to be recognized on both sides. In most cases, in the beginning of the business, it means lots of time away from the family without much to show for it. These are touchy issues and there has to be understanding, moderation, and a little give-and-take on both sides.

What if you’re not making it financially?

This is a huge problem. The family has to be provided for.  So, you have to do what you have to do. Several problems that I’ve seen is people either quit their jobs too soon or they spend more money than they are making (trying to look good) and end up causing more financial problems for their family, rather than brining in an EXTRA income. Quitting your job too soon can leave your family hanging financially. This puts tremendous pressure on you, your spouse, your kids, your business, your marriage and your relationships.  There’s been many times that I have told people to go get a job or to keep their current job. While you are getting a network marketing or online marketing business off the ground, it helps if the income is EXTRA. Also, learn to base all of your financial decisions on your residual income, not bonus income or temporary/promotional income. Be sure to save up a significant emergency fund and nest egg before you consider quitting your job and losing your main form of provision.

Most families in our country are living paycheck to paycheck and if you can show that you don’t want to live like that and you are willing to do something about it, you can usually, over time, gain support. But you have to produce. You have to prove yourself by being diligent, responsible, and committed. You can’t let your family suffer financially for long periods of time so that you can chase your dream. You have to make sure your family is taken care of WHILE you are chasing your dream!

What if you are the unsupportive spouse?

I get it. In some cases, you are justified. I realize that there are many factors around this issue and this can be a very tough thing to navigate. However, what I would recommend is to, most importantly, try to have real communication and be careful not to totally kill the entrepreneurial spirit in your spouse. Take the time to research the industry and the business that your spouse is wanting to get involved in or is already involved in. In other words, make an educated decision, not an emotional one. Set up some accountability agreements… For example, number of hours and dollars you are willing to allow your spouse to spend in getting started. Be sure to have agreed upon terms.

If your spouse is starting out in a new venture, if at all possible, do everything you can to support them and let them know how much you believe in them. This is huge. Your support can be the difference between success and failure. Leave them little notes telling them how proud you are of them for stepping up and fighting for your family. Cheer them on and tell others how proud you are of them.

Becoming successful in business is challenging and it can be a hard road, specially if you are juggling a full-time job, family, bills, etc… But in the end it is worth it. You do have to be able to see the end at the beginning and it’s important for both spouses to be on the same page with this. You both have to communicate through the process, and most importantly, keep your marriage in tact through the process. Let me be clear, in my opinion, it doesn’t do any good to be successful in business only to lose your marriage! In my book, Residual Millionaire, I talk about true success and how it is all- encompassing, not just about money. The good news is you can have both! You can have a successful business and a great marriage at the same time, but it takes work, sacrifice, understanding, communication, and commitment. Hold each other accountable to spending family time and having date nights! Don’t let life pass you by while you are chasing the almighty dollar. “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

I hope this post helped you and added value to you. I’m sure I will get lots of comments on this one! Be sure to leave yours below and share with someone that you think needs this info.